The Dipstick will guide you. But like with the Mets, you gotta believe, and read the instructions.
First stick the dipstick into a Netflix envelope and take a reading.
"Full" means "Everything is illuminated", so don't "Curb your enthusiasm". Sit back and enjoy.
"Empty" means you had better make "The Great Escape" from this turkey. Move on, don't torture yourself, start over.